Quote of the day

"You don't rise by pulling down
You don't fly by holding on
You don't climb by tearing down
Mind the foundation you build on"

- Palle Oswald

What's For Dinner?

A husband notices his wife’s hearing is deteriorating and decides to visit her doctor for advice. “I can’t speak to my wife directly as she might find it offensive, given our old age,” he says to the doctor.

“There’s a simple trick you can try to determine her hearing,” explains the doctor. “Simply ask her a question at a distance and if she doesn’t hear you, move slightly closer and ask again until she does.”

That night, the husband arrives home and sees his wife in the kitchen cooking. He thinks this will be the perfect opportunity to test her hearing.

He stands in the doorway of the kitchen and promptly asks: “What’s for dinner honey?”

No answer. He moves closer. “What’s for dinner honey?”

Still no answer. He moves even closer.

“What’s for dinner honey?”

Still his wife doesn’t answer. He now sees how serious her hearing problem is. At this point, he is stood right next to his wife.

“What’s for dinner honey?”

The wife swings around and yells: “FOR THE FOURTH TIME WE’RE HAVING CHICKEN!”

The Cure

A man says: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every day my wife seems to lose her temper for no reason. It scares me.”

The doctor says: “I have a cure for that. When it seems that your wife is getting angry, just take a glass of water and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don’t swallow it until she either leaves the room or calms down.”

Two weeks later the man comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

The man says: “Doctor that was a brilliant idea! Every time my wife started losing it, I swished with water. I swished and swished, and she calmed right down! How does a glass of water do that?”

The doctor says: “The water itself does nothing. It’s keeping your mouth shut that does the trick.”

Three Men and a Genie

Three men are stuck on an island. One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.

The genie says: “Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one.”

The first says: “I’ve been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home.” Poof, he’s gone!

Then the second says: “I’ve been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too.” Poof, he’s gone!

The third man starts crying uncontrollably. The genie asks: “My dear, what’s the matter?”

The man whimpers: “I wish my friends were still here.”

Character of the week

Nikola Tesla was a Serbian-American inventor, electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and futurist who is best known for his contributions to the design of the modern alternating current electricity supply system. Here are some of his famous quotes.

“The present is theirs; the future, for which I really worked, is mine.”

“The day science begins to study non-physical phenomena, it will make more progress in one decade than in all the previous centuries of its existence.”

“Our virtues and our failings are inseparable, like force and matter. When they separate, man is no more.”

“The scientists of today think deeply instead of clearly. One must be sane to think clearly, but one can think deeply and be quite insane.”

“I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.”

“The spread of civilisation may be likened to a fire; first, a feeble spark, next a flickering flame, then a mighty blaze, ever increasing in speed and power.”

Character of the week

Helen Adams Keller was an American author, political activist, and lecturer. She was the first deaf-blind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree. Here is some of the wisdom she left us.

“Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much.”

“Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing.”

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart.”

“Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadows.”

“Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.”

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”

“The only thing worse than being blind is having sight but no vision.”

“Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content.”

“What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us.”

Quote of the day

"He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom."

- Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)