Quote of the day

"Logic will take you from point A to point B. Imagination will take you everywhere."

By Albert Einstein

Designated Decoy

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his.

Then, he sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0.

"How is this possible?" asked the puzzled officer.

The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

The Magic Kitchen

Atongo is a house boy who drinks his boss' wine with impunity then adds water to cover up his tracks. His boss became suspicious and decided to buy pasties (a French wine that changes color if you add water; just like dettol).

Unaware of this, Atongo drank from the wine as usual and topped it up with water. Immediately he added water, the pasties became milky and he knew he was in trouble. When the boss came back and saw the changed pasties, he knew he had nailed Atongo. Atongo knowing he was in trouble decided to stay in the kitchen when his boss came home. The boss having told his wife what he had observed now swung into action.

"Atongo!" he called from the living room.
"Yes, Boss".
"Who drank my pasties?".
Atongo: No answer.
The boss asked again: still no answer. Then the boss went to the kitchen to meet him there. "Are you insane or what? When I called, you said "yes boss" but when I asked a question you don't answer me?"

Atongo retorted, "Hmmm oga, when you are in the kitchen you don't understand anything at all, except your name".
"Is that so?" asked the boss. "Okay, go to the bar and stand beside Madam, while I go into the kitchen, and then, you ask me a question."
Atongo accepted.

When his boss was in the kitchen he shouts, "Boss".
"Yes, Atongo" the boss answers.
Atongo then asks, "Who goes into the maid's bedroom when Madam is not at home?"
No answer.
He shouted again: "Boss, I say who sneaks into the maid's room when Madam is not in the house?" No answer.
The boss runs back from the kitchen shouting, "Wonders shall never cease! Atongo, it is true. When you are in the kitchen, you do not hear anything, except one's name."
The wife now very angry, interrupted, "That's nonsense. It's a lie!"

Without argument, Atongo asked if she'll enter the magic kitchen to be tested. She agreed. Atongo asked Madam, "Who is junior's biological father? Me or the boss? "
Madam rushed out of the kitchen immediately. "This kitchen needs to be renovated...

Quote of the day

"Dreaming is good, but waking into those dreams is better."

By Palle Oswald

Leave Me Alone

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He doesn't even remember how he got home from the party.

As bad as he is feeling, he wonders if he did something wrong. Jack has to force himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees are a couple of Aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose. Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the Aspirins, and cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror.

Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick.

"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling. Love, Jillian"

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Jack asks, "What happened last night?"

"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door.

Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me."

His son replies, "Oh that. Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, 'Leave me alone, I'm married!'"

Written in Sand and Stone

One day two friends were walking through the desert. Somewhere in the middle of the journey, both got into serious argument, the result of which one of them could not resist his anger and slapped the other in the face. Really he was hurt and immediately wrote on the sand:

"Today My best friend slapped me."

Afterward they continued their journey till they found an oasis. There they wanted to rest for a while and prepared to take bath in the water. First the person who got slapped entered and got stuck in the mire, started drowning. The other who slapped his friend saved him from drowning. After the recovery from a near death he engraved the words on a nearby stone like this.

"Today my best friend saved my life."

The other got confused and questioned the difference. The friend replied that, whenever we get hurt by the behaviour or actions of someone we have to remember it like the words those are written on the sand where the winds of 'forgiveness' can easily erase it from our memories.

Whenever we got benefited or saved from a danger by somebody, we have to fix them in our mind like letters engraved on a hard rock permanently where the winds of forgetting can't erase them. This increases our gratitude and indebtedness towards the people who are genuine in their nature.

Give An Excuse

A man in his 40's bought a new BMW and was out on the Trans Canada Highway for a nice evening drive. The top down, breeze blowing through what was left of his hair, and he decided to open her up. As the needle went over 140 km/h, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
"There's no way they can catch my BMW," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 160, 180.... then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
The cop came up to him, took his license without a word, and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift, and it's Christmas eve. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back."
"Have a nice weekend," said the officer.

Quote of the day

Love doesn't hurt, love doesn't cut, and in dark times love doesn't cease.
Love heals, love seals, it drains out the world and leaves you with peace.


By Palle Oswald

Quote of the day

"I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

By Jimmy Dean

The Road Less Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
"Two roads diverged in a wood,
And I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."


By Robert Frost

You Will Walk

I went for a night prayer at one church and in the midst of the prayer session, a member touched my shoulder and said, "YOU WILL WALK."
I didn't understand because I'm not disabled, but when I got out of the church, I realized my transport money had been stolen.